I don’t believe in the saying “self-made.” No one is truly self-made. Sure, we may come from humble beginnings or difficult circumstances and have experienced significant hardships. Yet, despite these experiences, success is rarely achieved alone. Let me give you some examples of how we can use the people around us to reach our goals and achieve more.
Personal Relationships
Parents
Let's start with those who know us best—our parents. As a dad myself, I can attest to the power of parental support. Parents often talk about their children, even without being asked. For example, a parent might discuss their child’s job search with a barber or hairdresser, who might then offer a job or know someone who can help. To capitalize on this, encourage your parents to share your achievements and aspirations with their network.
How to nurture: Keep your parents updated about your goals and progress. Express gratitude for their support and ask them to keep an ear out for opportunities.
Friends
Friends are another crucial support system. Many of my closest friends date back to middle school, and they’ve become like family. For first-generation immigrants, friends play a vital role, especially if you immigrated during your school years. Friends can help with language learning, provide unwavering belief in your abilities, and offer opportunities. For instance, my friend’s sister-in-law hired me at Booz Allen Hamilton, a company I had always dreamed of working for. Friends know your strengths and can help you recognize your blind spots.
How to nurture: Stay in regular contact with friends, attend social events, and support them in their endeavors. Share your goals with them and ask for feedback or introductions to their networks.
Mentors
Mentors are individuals with whom you share common identities or career paths. They listen to your aspirations, offer guidance based on their experiences, and provide new perspectives. A good mentor helps you navigate challenges and encourages you to keep an open mind. Trust the process, and use their wisdom to guide you towards achieving your goals.
How to nurture: When meeting a mentor for the first time, ask questions like:
- "Can you tell me about your career journey?"
- "What challenges did you face, and how did you overcome them?"
- "What advice would you give someone in my position?"
Maintain regular check-ins, show appreciation for their time, and implement their advice.
Unconventional Relationships
Strangers
Remember when our parents warned us about “stranger danger”? While caution is necessary, strangers often play pivotal roles in our lives. Recruiters, potential employers, and many others start as strangers but can become crucial connections. Striking up conversations in everyday places like the supermarket or gym can lead to unexpected opportunities and friendships.
How to nurture: When approaching a stranger, start with a compliment or common topic:
- "I like your workout routine; what do you recommend for someone just starting out?"
- "I noticed you often read interesting books. What are you reading now?"
Be genuine, listen actively, and look for common ground to build a conversation.
Neighbors
Neighbors, by virtue of proximity, can be valuable resources. For example, a high schooler might get a summer job mowing a neighbor’s lawn, which could lead to more clients. Neighbors’ older children can also provide guidance, such as helping with college applications. Neighbors often become extended family, offering support in various ways.
How to nurture: Start by introducing yourself and showing interest in their lives:
- "Hi, I'm [Your Name]. I recently moved here and would love to get to know my neighbors better."
- "My parents mentioned you have a lot of experience with [topic]. Could you share some advice?"
Be friendly, offer to help with small tasks, and attend neighborhood events.
Competitors
Competitors challenge you to be better. They keep you grounded and push you to improve. Viewing competition as a motivator rather than a threat can drive you to achieve greatness. Competitors help you measure your success and encourage you to strive for more.
How to nurture: Approach competitors with respect and a willingness to learn:
- "I admire your work in [field]. How did you get started?"
- "What strategies have worked well for you?"
Look for opportunities to collaborate, and be open to sharing knowledge and experiences.
Haters
Haters, surprisingly, can also be beneficial. They highlight your progress through their negativity. If someone criticizes your achievements, it often means you’re doing something right. However, distinguish between haters and envious individuals. Haters can motivate you to keep growing, while envious people might try to undermine your efforts.
How to nurture: Use criticism constructively:
- Reflect on any valid points they may raise.
- Stay focused on your goals and use their negativity as fuel to push harder.
Avoid engaging with toxic individuals, and surround yourself with supportive people.
Professional Relationships
Employers
Your employer and colleagues play a significant role in your professional growth. A supportive work environment is crucial. For first-generation immigrants, finding the right employer can be challenging due to the need for immediate employment. However, taking the time to select a good employer can provide long-term benefits. Employers can offer professional development opportunities, tuition assistance, and career advancement, helping you grow both personally and professionally.
How to nurture: Be proactive in seeking opportunities:
- "Can you tell me more about the professional development programs available?"
- "I am interested in advancing my career. What steps should I take?"
Show dedication, participate in training sessions, and network within the company.
Conclusion
Take full advantage of your relationships. Those closest to you know your strengths and can provide invaluable support. Use these connections to get to where you need to be. Remember, no one is truly self-made—we all need a little help along the way.
